Freeze, Fight, Flight of …

‘Ik ga naar de Action’, zegt mijn 15-jarige zoon. ‘Dan kun je iemand met het coronavirus besmetten en dat kan echt niet’, leg ik uit. Hij kijkt mij aan alsof ik gek geworden ben. Een paar weken geleden kwam ik in aanraking met mensen die achteraf gezien in haardgebieden waren geweest, daarna kreeg ik een stevige griep. Die ging weer weg en kwam weer terug. ‘Stel dat opa en oma iets in een winkel zouden aanraken wat jij hebt aangeraakt, dat je de kans loopt ze te besmetten, dat zou je toch ook niet willen?” Hij loopt weer naar binnen, hangt zijn jas weer op en verdwijnt naar zijn kamer.


Ik weet helemaal niet of ik en mijn oudste zoon het coronavirus hebben. Omdat ik niet het hele rijtje aan symptomen kon afvinken, nam ik mijn eigen klachten eerst niet serieus. Geen hoest, geen corona. Inmiddels neem ik het zekere voor het onzekere en zitten we al een tijdje in thuisquarantaine.

Freeze, fight, flight. Iedereen reageert op zijn eigen manier op de coronacrisis. Ik sprong in de vechtstand. Toen het virus nog ver weg voelde, schoot ik vooral in de verdedigingsstand. ‘Ik laat mijn bedrijf niet vernietigen’. Toen de ernst begon door te dringen, zocht ik naar mijn superwomanpak om de wereld te redden (niet gevonden overigens).

Wat ik vooral in eerste instantie steeds deed bij iedere nieuwe ontwikkeling, was gehaast zoeken naar oplossingen. Terwijl in het hebben van aandacht steeds de oplossing bleek te zitten. Zien dat mijn zoon de eerste week weg van school nodig had om te landen. En niet koste wat het kost een huiswerkschema er doorheen drukken. Maar ook aandacht in waar ik mensen via mijn werk mag helpen.

Er zijn mensen die bevriezen. Die, misschien wel zoals ik dat in het prille begin deed, voor zichzelf ontkennen wat er echt aan de hand is. Zelfs nu nog geen afstand houden, omdat ze vastklampen aan hoe de wereld eerst was. Ik hoorde ook een verhaal van iemand die letterlijk vluchtte. Die was in de auto naar het buitenland gesprongen, want hij had als zzp-er toch geen werk meer. Bestemming onbekend.

Houd het hoofd koel en je hart warm. Coach Mariette Reineke zegt dit niet alleen, maar leeft dit ook. Terwijl velen bevriezen, vechten of vluchten, herinnert ze mij eraan om niet te absorberen, maar te observeren. En in het moment aanwezig te zijn. We raakten in gesprek over hoe iedereen anders reageert en wat de angsten kunnen zijn die ook door mijn hoofd hebben gespookt en nog steeds kunnen spoken.

Eerst voelde het alsof een angst ervoor zorgde dat ik snel tot een oplossing zou komen en dat dat weer met rust beloond zou worden. Maar die rust kwam niet. Mijn intuïtie wordt verstoord als ik mij door angsten laat verleiden. En die intuïtie heb ik juist nu nodig om goed voor mijn kinderen, goed voor mijn dierbaren, goed voor mijn lieve zakelijke vrienden en vooral ook goed voor mijzelf te zorgen.

Dat laatste drukt Mariette mij op mijn hart. Mariette: “Dat is het startpunt: de relatie met jezelf. Deze tijd is een uitgelezen moment om te oefenen met observeren in plaats van te absorberen. En telkens maar weer teruggaan naar dit moment, het enige wat ons lichaam kent.” Voor mij best een uitdaging. En misschien ook wel voor jou?

PS Het gesprek met Mariëtte blijft doorgaan. Deelnemen aan het gesprek met Mariette kan op maandag 23 maart om 13:00 uur: Hoe houd je een koel hoofd en een warm hart in crisistijd?



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