Moet die knop wel om?

Interviews geven als je thuissituatie op zijn kop staat. In mijn vorige blog liet ik al doorschemeren dat vorig jaar een pittig jaar was. Dat jaar had natuurlijk ook een aanloop en heeft ook nog een dikke staart. Maar afgelopen jaar gaat hopelijk niet overtroffen worden qua intensiviteit. Terwijl mijn moederhart het flink te verduren kreeg, ging het werk natuurlijk gewoon door.

Zo was ik een paar maanden terug onderweg naar een radio-interview toen ik een telefoontje kreeg van school waardoor ik eigenlijk zo snel mogelijk om wilde keren. Realiserend dat ik op dat moment weinig kon doen voor mijn kind, reed ik toch door. En dan sta je in de radiostudio. Niemand daar weet wat zich allemaal thuis afspeelt. Dat je daar eigenlijk staat met veel zorgen en verdriet. Maar je staat niet voor jezelf of voor je gezin in de studio. Je staat er omdat je een maatschappelijke missie hebt. Of het nou gaat om als raadslid het tekort aan toegankelijke toiletten onder de aandacht te brengen. Of om als oprichter van Vakerindemedia.nl meer diversiteit in de media te krijgen. Je staat er op dat moment niet voor jezelf. En hoe het met mijzelf gaat, mag er op zo’n moment van mijzelf niet toedoen.

Het is meerdere keren voorgekomen dat ik bijna een interview inging of een presentatie ging geven en er weer een verontrustend telefoontje binnenkwam. Steeds kon ik op dat moment niets aan de situatie veranderen en koos ik ervoor toch mijn werk te gaan doen. Het voelt dan soms alsof ik thuis in de steek laat door mijn knop voor mijn werk om te zetten en te doen alsof er niets aan de hand is.

Het geven van interviews, het delen van posts, het voelt weleens als maar een deel van de waarheid delen. Omdat je aandacht en je hart soms voor een veel groter deel naar thuis gaat en je dat deel vaak verbergt voor het grotere publiek. Het leven voelt vaak als twee werelden, waarbij ik mij schuldig voel naar de ene wereld, als ik in de andere wereld gewoon mijn werk doe.

Tijdens een coaching vorige week werd mij de vraag gesteld of het wel klopt dat er twee werelden zijn, en of dat er niet één is. We hebben immers maar één lichaam. Mariette, mijn coach, heeft natuurlijk gelijk dat alles bij mijn leven hoort. Terwijl ik mijn knop wel om kan zetten tijdens een interview, training of presentatie, draag ik mijn schouders vaak hoog. Alsof ik meer kracht wil zetten om de zorgen op mijn schouders te kunnen dragen. Misschien gaan mijn schouders meer zakken als ik accepteer dat het er allemaal mag zijn. De privézorgen en toch ook de voldoening halen uit mijn werk. Ik ben benieuwd hoe jullie dit doen. Kunnen jullie de knop omzetten of vind je dat die knop helemaal niet nodig is?

Corona heeft inmiddels mijn eigen dilemma ingehaald en ik mag oefenen met dat alles één wereld is.

Dit bericht is geplaatst in Uncategorized met de tags. Bookmark deze directe link.

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  1. Hi Janneke, wat mooi dat je dit persoonlijke verhaal deelt. Ik snap dat het moeilijk is als je die knop om moet zetten. Want het zijn toch twee werelden, die niet met elkaar verbonden zijn. Slechts door jou als persoon. Ik vind het knap hoe je doorzet en toch dat interview of die presentatie ingaat als er thuis alarm is. Ik zou dat niet kunnen. Jaren geleden, toen ik startte met ondernemen, was ik eens op een netwerk bijeenkomst. Iemand vroeg mij wat mijn core business was. Ik had toen al 3 online bedrijven. Ik antwoordde: ‘mijn kinderen’. Daar ben ik nooit van afgeweken. Mijn kinderen gingen altijd voor alles. Ik had ooit de kans investeerders aan boord te krijgen voor een innovatief online concept. Ik sloeg 70.000 euro af, omdat ik bang was dat ik te weinig tijd zou hebben voor mijn kinderen. Ook al kon ik dat geld goed gebruiken. En was ik zakelijk succesvoller geweest als ik ‘ja’ had gezegd. Het zijn keuzes. Belangrijke keuzes. En alleen als je ze met je hart kunt maken, kan je erachter blijven staan. Dan hoef je nooit te twijfelen of je het goede koos. Iedereen brengt offers. Dat hoort bij succes. En voor iedereen ziet ‘succes’ er anders uit. Ik zie jou als een bevlogen en idealistische ondernemer. Daar herken ik mijzelf in. Welke keuzes we ook maken. Het is goed zolang het goed voelt. En je kunt elke dag opnieuw beginnen. Elke dag opnieuw kiezen. Zowel met je kinderen als met je werk. Die balans vinden blijft voor iedereen een zoektocht. Take care! X vivienne

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